All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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