thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
