My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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