my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
