Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize