The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
