So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
