dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He better not be in your backpack
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
