At least make sure they are 18
Why
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
