I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize