This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
