Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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