omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
