HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
