So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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