UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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