Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize