My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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