Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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