woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
