I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
