im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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