he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
