i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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