Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
