Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
