Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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