One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
