The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize