It's like God shit irony all over that family
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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