Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I touched a dick in church today
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
