ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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