i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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