We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
