false alarm. still invincible.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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