WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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