VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
