Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Couch. On fire.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
