it wasn't lemon gatorade
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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