I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
