We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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