i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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