Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
