O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
