Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
