I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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