farters have to be the big spoon...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
