ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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