If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have surprise drugs for everyone
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
