P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
