You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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