did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
