my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
