When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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