The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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