I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
