What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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