If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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