I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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