Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
