I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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