I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
