all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
