He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
