There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
