Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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