please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
