My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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