Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
