Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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