She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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