So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
