i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
